7 Things you don’t need to know about me
by Christine Martell on December 31, 2008
in About VisualsSpeak
Yikes. I’ve been tagged twice for this meme. OK, so it terrifies me. I have colleagues like Patti Digh, Michele Martin, and Janet Clarey who regularly talk about personal stuff on their blogs. I watch them with awe, knowing they have many followers because of their willingness to share who they are. Numerous times in the last months as I have struggled with direction for my blog I have written “revelation” posts like they do— only to hit the delete button instead of publish. So in the spirit of getting over this fear, I am going to tell you WAY too much about me.
My cats rule my house.
This is my all time favorite cat, Shamille. I have a connection to this cat unlike any other I have ever had. She comes running when I am upset or in pain, yet she is a typical aloof cat otherwise.
She lives with two other cats. Darwin, who she adores, is my husband Mark’s cat. We got her Mini-me after Shamille started getting fat, as her personal trainer. The young peppy version of herself. She despised her. Now she tolerates her, but there is a bizarre obsessive thing that involves hissing and hitting. There has been no weight loss. Mini is now as Maxi as her namesake.
How do I know they rule? Might it have something to do with the myriad of cat houses that litter the whole house? The towers and tunnels and houses all over?
I am married to an engineer
When I turned 40 I began the phase I call my Suburban House Life. I married an engineer, instantly became a grandmother, and moved into a 70’s ranch house filled with electronic junk treasures. Soon after I bought a white station wagon (a Subaru, but still). Lets just say it was culture shock. Like a high tension wire shock.
I have opportunities every day to practice my cross cultural communication skills. The form versus function war rages (when function was there first, form loses). The recent US political season was particularly interesting. I have vowed to cancel every vote he ever casts. Some days I feel like I am living in a sitcom.
Yet, this relationship works for me. Gives me a stability and sense of safety in the world that I have never felt before. I am learning about unconditional love and practicing what I preach about acceptance and inclusion.
I love kangaroos
I love kangaroos. Have been fascinated with Australia since I was a kid. I still haven’t been there— but have a long standing fantasy to go there for several months.
This is a self-portrait of myself as a rat, living in the pouch of the roo on the left. Celebrating the creative/resourceful part of myself. But it felt vulnerable, so I made it a protector Roo. I see kangaroos as the ultimate safe haven. Warm snuggly pouches, big powerful feet and tails. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound— all those super hero characteristics.
I like LIVE kangaroos, or renditions of kangaroos. Twice in my life people heard I liked kangaroos, and gave me change purses made out of their fur. I tried very hard to appreciate the thought behind the gift.
There is a petting zoo at the Oregon State Fair that includes a Wallaby. Every time I visit it I completely well up with tears when I have to leave. I don’t know what it is about these creatures, but I have a core level connection to them. It’s probably good I don’t live in Australia, I’d probably spend all my time playing with roos. Or looking for them.
I live with chronic pain
I have pain on my left side from my brow to my hip. Searing nerve pain. 24/7. Never stops. Some days are better than others, but its been a constant companion for over 15 years. I’ve been to over 100 health professionals from western doctors to way far out healers. No one has ever been able to answer the question, why? Or provide the solution to make it stop.
Not easy. It certainly effects my day to day life and those close around me. At this point I forget to mention it to people. I have a whole series of different things I do to keep the pain level down to a level where I can function. I have learned there is no one thing that works. It is now just another part of my life.
I’m a photographer who takes terrible snapshots
Patti Digh does this thing where she holds the camera out and takes pictures of herself with people. I have actually seen her do this live, asked her what she does special. She laughed, and assured me it was nothing. Last August on her birthday, I bought a pile of her new book, Life is a Verb for some of my closest friends. She was collecting images of people with her book, so I thought— hey I’ll do the holding the camera out thing. Yea, right.
This is just a few of the myriad of tries. I even gave up and decided I would use Shamille to represent me. Even she would not keep her eyes open.
The premise of the book is 37 days to wake up, be mindful, and live intentionally. I wanted to DO some of the things the book suggested. Yet, I couldn’t even get a picture. It took me about 75 days just to get the books to the people I cared about. Many of the heartfelt notes I planned to include with them fell by the wayside.
I guess the lesson for me was just because I am a photographer doesn’t mean I can take a snapshot. I can be inspired by Patti and many other friends and colleagues, but I need to find ways to walk in the world that are in alignment with me. Trying to be or do or put gifts out into the world that aren’t mine doesn’t work.
Another friend offered an insight recently. She said I confused her until she realized I was really an artist acting like a business person. No wonder it isn’t working.
Fear of eyebags has cost me hundreds of dollars
Lets just say aging is not kind. I remember a conversation I had with my dentist ten years ago. She was saying she was going to cover the grey in her hair as soon as it started. I was a redhead, always assumed my hair would be interesting. I swore it would never bother me to have grey. Until the moment my husband mentioned my hair was actually very close in color to his dirty dish water color. Looking in the mirror with him, he was right. Mud. How did that happen? Now I have the Suburban Striped Hair to go with my Suburban House Life. My dentist has gracefully gone grey around the edges.
Aging, pain, less sleep, genetics, hormones — all an ugly combination facilitating significant eye bags. I am a mark for cosmetic ladies in department stores. You know, the ones with the perfect skin and straight white teeth. They see me coming and almost break into a run. I have hardly worn any makeup my whole life. Yet, all they have to do to get my attention is to mention the evil dark circles– and there goes the cash. I have wasted hundreds of dollars in my forties on all sorts of “solutions”.
I’m hoping that as I move closer to my fifties I will realize that accepting the aging is significantly less difficult and way cheaper than fighting the losing battle with age.
I’m struggling with my business
OK, I admit it. I don’t know how to make my business work. I have just enough skill to pull off the illusion, but I’m missing some core that might make it viable. Might it have to do with this theme throughout this post of struggling to be authentically who I am? Instead of trying to be something else? I don’t know.
What I do know is at the core I am an artist. What that looks like in the context of a Suburban House Life is still a mystery to me. How that can be effectively expressed in the world is still fuzzy. But I am looking, listening for clarity. Opening myself to new possibilities and opportunities.
Tagging you…
If you are reading this, do feel tagged. It’s an interesting quandary, recognizing how different this is for each person. To some, it’s just another silly internet thing. Yet, for others, it does raise the issue of transparency and blurring the lines between personal and private. I know you’ll all do what is right for yourself. I don’t really know yet, since I haven’t hit the publish button.
So I invite the following, should they care to participate:
Sean Harry Shari Ward, Gina Anzaldo, Kevin Jones, Robin Reagler, Maria Pfeifer and Bettina Hansel
Welcome to the deep end of the pool; )
Lovely post. Simply lovely to know more about you.
Great to have met you in person this year too.
Have a Happy New Year. (I bet you’ll kiss the cats after your hubby at the stroke of midnight.)
Hi Christine, I feel honored to have been “tagged” by you. Not sure what that means on my part, but I am honored. Chronic pain? I had NO idea. We all live with our own “issues” don’t we? I’ve been battling depression for years. It’s become an old friend — one that often lies to me, but an old friend none the less.
As for your business. . . may 2009 bring clarity and purpose to you, your life, your business. And if not FULL clarity, at least may it help move you one more step in the direction you are meant to go. Life is a journey and you are one of the brave ones who realize and live this!
Thanks for sharing, Sean
@Janet Clarey: Am I swimming or treading water down here?
I enjoyed seeing you live this year also, and joining you in the quest to empower women bloggers and speakers everywhere
@Sean Harry: Tagged- now you write a post of 7 things we don’t know about you and tag 7 more people to do the same.
I hope new direction brings more collaboration and community. Love the idea of finding the Tribe- or probably more like re-finding or re-connecting.
Hi Christine,
Thanks for being so open.
I’m always surprised when small companies try to behave like big (impersonal) ones, and big companies like they do have a personality. Let your personality shine through, it is one of those things that make you different from the competition.
Christine, I was THRILLED to see this post! It is so YOU and in my opinion, these are 7 things we all DO need to know about you.
You and I have talked a lot about the whole issue of how transparent to be and for me, this post is a perfect example of sharing without over-sharing so that we can really see who you are. I suspect it was hard to write and that you lingered for awhile on that “publish” button, but I’m so glad you went ahead and did it! Happy New Year!
The cats grabbed me. We have five and try to act like the United Nations when conflicts erupt–understanding but firm. Sometimes it works. Thank you for taking the risk of sharing your seven points.
I kept thinking that you’d enjoy Molly Gordon’s work at Shaboom.com. She specializes in artists, has books and forums and teleseminars that are challenging yet supportive.
Happy New Year!
@Francois: Well, so far so good with the being open thing. I’m thinking its part of attracting the right people into my life, who are journeying on authentic paths. There is so much out in the world about how to be ‘professional’, much of it coming from the big company environments. You’d think I’d get it. In my work as a consultant I see so many people who feel like they are living a soul death by working in those spaces. You are so right— why would I want to behave that way!
I so want to not only create a nurturing environment for myself, but also for other amazing people I meet in my journey. There is so much in the world that gets overlooked, but deserves more attention. I want to create spaces with room to include that creativity.
Thanks for the encouragement!
@Michele Martin: it only took about 18 months of blogging
So far I have not even gone back and edited out sections. Must admit, it is nice to get comments again. Little of my dry business content inspires responses.
@maggie: I lived in a house in college that had 5 cats. Several of us ended up sending our cats home to Mom because of the continuous cat wars. Good to hear it can work at times.
Thanks for pointing to Molly’s work. It looks very interesting, I have signed up for her newsletter and will be reading her articles.
I have really enjoyed reading this particular meme as it has gone around. It has been wonderful tto learn more about people because it increases the connection I feel with them. Thank you for your wonderful post.
Christine – I’m enjoying getting to know you and value your creative vision. I married a republican architect who was 17 years older than myself. It was the right thing, giving me the home and security I needed to blossom and follow my path. But I can relate to the cross-cultural thing.
Hi Christine,
How about if I quietly put in ONE thing you don’t know about me in the next seven or so posts? Or maybe I’ll think about using this format for my profile on the blog, since I’ve never known what to put there. I’ve tried to keep a definite disconnect between my private and online personas and even my facebook tended to lean on the public/professional side since so many AFS colleagues joined and befriended me, but then my husband joined facebook and became friends with everyone at my office and now there’s no way to control the comments he posts on my status. It does lighten the tension, I guess. My favorite was when I put my status to “Bettina Hansel is … mindmapping” and Kevin jumped in with “oh crap, hope you don’t get lost. I left the GPS in the car.”
Otherwise, I’m sorry to learn about your constant pain and delighted to hear about your connection to cats and kangaroos.
And as you “move closer to your 50s” just let them come. I have my own categories of age. Some people I work with are “younger than my daughter.” You’re in the category of “younger than me but older than my daughter” then there’s “about my age,” “older than me,” “my brother’s age,” and “almost as old as my mother” and, for the rare few, like Charlotte Bloomberg who just turned 100, there’s “even older than my mother.”
Gray is beautiful.
Christine,
This was a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing the deeper parts of yourself.
@clare: Awesome. Now I can get survival tips!
@betsy You can do it however you want. One of the things I am learning is I have this illusion that I have to be professional in my blogging etc. However, I am noticing I don’t think it is customers who are actually reading my blog. Just what am I doing out here anyway?
I so wish I had beautiful gray hair like yours. I was prepared for that. It’s the mud look that’s not so easy. No one told me about that part. I love the new age categories you have developed.
@cammy Inspired by those like you who did it first
After years of telling myself I’d never color my hair, I recently looked in the mirror and saw that my once blond hair was now dishpan brown. So I got highlights. And I’m ok with that. Really.
I just realized that I was tagged! My response is cooking. You did an awe-inspiring post. I didn’t really your chronic pain situation…whoah! Sending you happy new year wishes in honor of your strength.
Like your friend Besty mentioned earlier, I’m going to have to break mine up into several posts, too. I’ve laid the ground work already on my blog, but the meaty stuff is coming starting tomorrow. In order to respond to your tag now, though, I’d have to say that my number one secret that no one needs to know (but many already suspect) is that I am petrified of anything relating to web stuff. Languages and technology have been two areas where my brain shuts down. So, the combination of the two when it comes to managing a blog sends me straight into a fetal position for 24 hours every time something goes wrong.
My blog renewal is up in March and I’ve alread prepped a corner in my family room…it’s that bad.
Great post, Christine – and thanks for pushing the button.
@Robin Reagler: Looking forward to your post, and hoping it has more pictures of the really cute new puppy.
@maria Web thing is just fear– banish it! You are so capable of doing it. Trust me, you have way more than enough brainpower. Tackle it one piece at a time, and soon enough you’ll be a regular pro.
Thank you for sharing. I admire your authenticity. Your business ideas are great, I loved your class last month, I love your products, even if you feel by some standards you are struggling. For my part-I am using VS tomorrow and have passed on your training opportunity to others. Good luck. Hang in there.
Thanks for sharing all of the above. We all live with things that we assume that others wouldn’t want to hear about. I tell people that I am in great health except for the cancer and the heart attack (I had prostate cancer 8 years ago, and it’s come back twice now, including this year.) And, for my birthday last month, I tell people that I just turned “sweet 61″. As for the cats, we have a friend who is a cat breeder, and when we first met her, she had 43 cats in her townhouse, along with every cat toy and souvenir you could buy. Then she met a (brave) guy, and when he moved in he replaced about 30 cats. So men do have a tradable value in the world…
@Chris Kondrat: It’s customers like you that keep me moving forward. Your faith in our products and processes are so appreciated. I think I get discouraged by the same thing you do— we know the products work great, yet it is difficult to get people to try new things (or things they didn’t come up with or understand). Thrilled you keep finding ways to use VisualsSpeak, and thanks for spreading the word.
@Gary Woodill:
I imagine it is hard to have cancer come back over and over? I find the emotional roller coaster to be the hardest thing to share with others, especially when it goes on and on. I’m grateful to have learned ways to cope with it differently over time, but I’m not sure there are best practices in this area of our lives like there are in others.
I like the sweet 61, I’ll have to remember it when I get there.
Esp good to know another tradeable value for men— helps in the never ending quest to analyze ROI.
I did it. Finally. Mine are haiku-like, in length anyway.
http://theothermother.typepad.com/blog/2009/01/7-things-meme.html
Lucky me for getting to play with you!
I love knowing these things! Thank you for your courage and openness. It makes the world a better place.
Hope to meet you in person soon.
YOU ARE the funniest and loveliest person on the planet.
Girl! You forgot to mention me. And how i changed your life by referring you to my hair stylist. Sorry i am having a Drama fit here.
You simply ROCK!
@Antimo: Trust me, no one ever forgets about YOU. Yes, you were the solution to my dirty dishwater dilemma. Now if someone could just send the genes for knowing what to do with all these products that keep promising to revolutionize my life. And the ability to walk in uncomfortable but fabulous Italian shoes.
@Aubrie, it will be great to meet you in real life.
@Kathryn Yes, more play!