Slithering along with change

I decided I wanted to draw what the process of turning my business around felt like. This image of a snake popped into my mind, so I spent a day drawing it. The process of painting in all the patterns was slow and gave me plenty of time to reflect on why my mind chose this image to represent what I’m thinking.

At first, I hoped it was a deep message about some kind of transformation I was about to go through.  As I worked on the image, it felt much more labored and slow. It wasn’t a lightening fast snake presenting itself, it’s more like a big fat lazy one. Maybe not really lazy, but certainly one who wasn’t moving very quickly.

Learning about integrating change

I’m getting lessons about the speed with which I can integrate change — or not, as the case may be. Not necessarily because of logistical reasons, but more for how the understanding of needed change is so different than the actual process of doing it.

As I deconstruct all the places of potential improvement, the lists become long. Like the patterns on the snake, the way things have formed come from a series of elements that interlink and relate. Making one change in the system affects many other pieces. Making many changes at once, or even contemplating them, can create a collapse. Which may be exactly what is needed. Allowing it to happen, however, I am finding much more difficult. I created the business in a way that makes sense to me, so any changes will require a lot of thought.

I started asking for feedback last week here on the blog as well as in my newsletter about my business challenges. I have gotten wonderful feedback and support. Along with silence from certain segments, which has been interesting. All of it together has shifted my understanding into a new place. One that is still pretty overwhelming.

As a result of this new understanding, my neck totally seized up. I could only move my head a few degrees to each side. My body reacted with a clear this is too much too fast.  I spent much of the week doing things to get it to release again: the chiropractor, snuggling with the cats, lying in the sauna, walks in the sunshine, and probably most important admitting another level of how incredibly painful this process is.

Continuing to move forward

I don’t feel stuck when I focus on doing things that that reside in my strengths. When I look at the the long lists and especially at doing the things that reside outside of my core strengths, I can feel my neck start to seize up again. I realize I need to work on my business through my skills, using the ways of knowing that work for me. When I don’t, it feels like I am fighting with my business instead of working with it.

I’m still processing the comments from my last post about focus, and am starting to get a much clearer sense of where my understanding is different than what I am communicating. I’m continuing to create new images. I’m revisiting what my goals are and how my business fits into them. I’m also starting to get a much clearer idea of what the core of this work is, and what I want to offer the world.

The idea is great, the systems behind it aren’t

In her post Making Ideas Matter, Havi Brooks talked about a comment she made during a webinar:

The implementation of an idea is more important than the idea itself.

This is at the core of what I am working on. I am all about ideas. My customers love the idea of VisualsSpeak. I have had other businesses that were great ideas. I’m not as strong or as interested in the systems that make them operate. But I have to learn if I want to turn this around. Or find other people to partner with who have different skills. Or get enough going using my strengths to earn the money to pay others to help.

Whatever emerges needs to have more ease in it. Not in a get out of hard work way, but in a working in ways that are strengths-aligned. More visual, less churning in my mind. Allowing the vision to emerge instead of chasing it.