I’ll be 50 on Monday. It’s got my attention. I’m reflecting on things I have learned and how I have changed. Three overarching topics keep bubbling to the surface as the key lessons of my 40′s.
1. Life is too short to be controlled by eye bags
I’m done with eye bag obsession
About the time I turned 40 I started having a new experience in department stores. Suddenly as I walked by a cosmetic counter some young perfectly made up thing would run out and ask me if I was concerned with eye bags. It was like I had a neon sign on my head: 40 something with eyebags on aisle 4.
Of course I was concerned with eye bags, I was starting to look like a raccoon. Early in my 40′s I still had hope. If only I spent enough on miracle cure #157! So I had getting conned into buying expensive cream phase.
I could have bought a lot of paint with that money.
Then there was the if I only learn about makeup and find the magic concealer phase. Except there was no concealing. Not only were the eye bags dark, but they were puffy and adjacent to skin with freckles. It was more like spackling. It would take an hour to get all that crap on. Who has time for this?
Painting is a lot more fun than putting on makeup. And faster.
Now I’m in the I have eye bags and its way more time efficient to accept it phase. The make-up women don’t come up to me anymore. I probably look like I’ll bite them if they even dare suggest their wares to me. Nearing 50 has made me really ornery. Now I just hope the frame of my glasses distracts from the mess.
2. Accept chunky, go for healthy
I was really thin in my 20′s, average weight in my 30′s, then my 40′s arrived. Looking back I consistently gained 5 pounds a year, it’s just that I started so thin that it took many years for it to tip into a problem. There were a number of factors that aligned, from being less active to not having ever learned where the calories were from not needing the info.
I had been around enough chronic dieters to know I did not want to join the ranks of the calories obsessed. I already ate pretty healthy, so I didn’t have lot of junk to cut out. I figured I better go the exercise route, so I joined a gym. So then I had firmer fat. Or a nice layer of fat over firm muscle.
I knew I needed to stop the 5 pound a year gain. Which I have. What I have come to realize is it takes a lot of deprivation and work to lose weight with a side of dedication and discipline. I’m not particularly interested in applying those skills to weight since I need every ounce of what I have to run my business. So instead, I am focusing on being healthier chunky.
I eat as much local organic food as practical. The core of my exercise has become riding my bike, since its the exercise I enjoy the most. This weekend I am riding 50 miles, which will be my longest ride ever, to celebrate turning 50. I’ve been working up to it all summer.
3. Do I stay or do I go takes too much energy
My 20′s and 30′s were all about do I stay or do I go. Relationships, where I lived, what I did. Everything was in constant flux and open for re-evaluation. I had no idea how much energy it took until I turned 40 and stopped. I decided to get married. Really decided. Wouldn’t actually commit until the moment to be sure it intuitively felt right. The first thing out of the ministers mouth was ‘she actually did it.’
I’ve lived in the same house for all of my 40′s. I don’t like the house, but I decided to accept this is where I am going to live anyway. I’ve made a whole series of decisions to make a choice that isn’t in my dreams what I want, but I’m going to do it for now. Making active compromises. Calculating differently. What is important to me now is very different.
Turning 50 is about living self acceptance
I can’t count how many of my already 50 friends have asked me how I like not caring what other people think anymore. I find myself accepting my path more, realizing there are very few right or wrong choices, just options to explore. I still have spells where I hate my eye bags, hate my fat, hate my house, and hate where my business is. But they are shorter and spread apart more. There are many more moments of compassion for myself and others.
I’ll be back next week, older and perhaps more tired
I’m having a 5/50/50 celebration next week. 5 prints, 50% off for my 50th.
From Sept 6 until Sept 10, each day I will have prints of 5 of my favorite paintings on super birthday special of 50% off. Each group will only be on sale for 24 hours until the next batch is released.
Tune in next week to see if your favorite is selected.
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I love love love this post! Self acceptance totally rocks. It’s funny…I look back and shake my head – I can’t believe the sorts of things that were all consuming when I was younger. Superficial. Unimportant. So much effort. And so focused on “Things that are wrong with me. How do I fix myself?” And like you say, taking time, energy and money away from doing what makes you truly happy.
Happy birthday! Thank you for sharing this.
Thanks Patty. It’s a mystery how we collectively get led down a path of focusing on the external and image yet at the same time knowing what is really meaningful. Maybe we should all wear pajamas
How fabulous this post is
Happy birthday, I can’t wait till I reach the point you have, until then I will keep troweling on the make up and pretending to diet
Hope you have a fab birthday and lots of people buy your gorgeous prints
Thanks Sarah. I wonder if it would be harder if I was genetically blessed and there was hope I could actually achieve the fabulous outcomes? Not a problem I will have to face, so self-acceptance it will have to be!
Happy Birthday! I will turn 50 this year, too, and have been on a similar journey. But I’ve been learning to focus my time/energy/money only on those things that really matter. And that’s a good thing!
Amazing how fast we get here, eh?
Ah, to be 50 again! Lol, you will say that some day. Can’t believe I’m saying it. Or, what I wouldn’t give to fit into an 18 again. Well, I wouldn’t give up certain foods, apparently. But the age thing? Not a choice.
Yes, self-acceptance is key. I remember in my 20s, feeling envious and even a little angry when my mother said, post-menopause, that she felt SERENE. Serene — WTF?! But then I turned 50 and found out what she meant. Not that I feel that way all the time, of course, but it’s sooo nice not to be on the hormonal roller-coaster any more.
Happy Birthday!!!
Yes, it is all relative isn’t it? Not sure I have quite achieved serene, but I’ll be looking forward to that in my 60 year reflection on the decade of my 50′s.
Hi Christine,
it’s my first time here – Havi Brooks tweeted your post, and that’s how I found you
I am still far away from being 50 (turning 31 in a couple of months), but everything you said really resonated with me, because I want what you have.
All my life I have been so insecure and dependent on what other people think of me, it’s been hell – afraid to speak up, do things, be me. I often feel like I’ve wasted most of my life worrying and not moving forward (at least not as far and not as fast as I know I could).
This year, for the first time ever, I decided to consciously start working on this. I have been making progress in baby steps, but I’m already liking myself more – at least I don’t hate myself and don’t feel like a freak anymore.
So thank you very much for sharing your gains – I had a profound moment of clarity and enlightenment reading your story. It’s all so simple, and we are making it so complicated. I thank you for this.
Yelena,
I was a disaster at 30! Trust me, you have hope. There were parts where I just decided, and parts where I just got tired of myself. Things sort themselves out over time. Thanks for coming by.
Love this, Christine, and it’s so interesting how self-acceptance and decisiveness turn out to be the themes. Inspiring, too — I’m only about four years away from 50 myself!
Have a fabulous birthday!
xo
Maryann,
Yes it seems like trying things and seeing what happens (and the big part being OK no matter what) is more and more important.
Dear Christine,
This is a lovely essay! I’m so happy to know wonderful women like you and Patti Digh who are writing about turning 50. I’ve still got a few years yet before I’m there, but I have a much better attitude about it given you as a role model!
Happy birthday!
Mary
Well I’m sure we will keep talking about this stuff, although Patti will say it much more eloquently!
This is so great! Happy Birthday!!
Happy Birthday, Christine. Put a bow on self-acceptance and you’ve given yourself the best gift ever.
Nice one.
Thanks all for the birthday wishes!
When I read gorgeous posts like this, it makes me feel less alone. I turned 40 this year and it was a ‘big event’ for me. So yawningly predictable, I know, but it was real for me.
So knowing that there are friends who have walked this path before me, and can shine a light for me — as you have done with this beautiful post Christine — makes me feel like I am in the best company possible.
Wishing you blessings and a nice, full-bodied red for a great 50th tomorrow! (well, it’d be today if you were here in Australia!)
Jill,
Love those full-bodied reds, which I did enjoy. What I wish for you is no problems with your feet— you have way too many cute shoes to have to let go of
I have 3 more days till I turn 50. I’ve been having an extremely hard time with it but today I decided to turn it around into something positive. I decided to look for others with positive attitudes and found this. THANK YOU! I figure come Friday I have 365 days of it and I’m going to make every single day count!!!
Karen,
I’ve been 50 for three months, and most of the time it’s not that bad. Really. Admittedly, it takes some getting used to. Helps to have friends on either side of the milestone reminding me there is good and challenging in each stage. And people who don’t see age as all doom and gloom. Good for you searching for the positive, I’m with you!